The Courage to Ask: When Is It Time for a Psychologist?

This post was authored by Kate Hardiman, Educational and Developmental Psychologist, BA (Psych)(Hons), MPsych (Ed & Dev). The content used AI-assistance for editing, readability, and automation of external links.

Beneath the Surface

There's a well-worn analogy of the iceberg. On the surface, you see the behaviour, the symptoms, the visible struggle. But underneath the waterline—that's the bulk of it: all the swirling emotions, the hidden memories, the difficult thoughts, and the draining physical sensations. When you finally reach out to speak with a psychologist about your child, there has been so much silent, internal work done already. For many parents, particularly those who are helping professionals themselves, there’s this initial, deep-seated belief: I can figure this out. We can solve this ourselves. And when you do ask for external help, a quiet, vulnerable parent-part might whisper, You didn't do a good enough job, you couldn’t help your own child. That is an unfair measure of your commitment and endless research. Seeking help isn't a failure; it’s a fiercely loving move of a wise part.

The Question of Capacity and Timing

When you are considering is it time for a psychologist, capacity and timing are relevant points to consider. Perhaps you’re just not sure you have the capacity to do anything different right now, alongside your child. Timing can be a real factor. Are you prepared to step into the doing, to try something new? There can be work pressures, other children to consider, your own health, and all the things that make up a life. Plus, there is the necessary financial investment towards an assessment or therapy. It is a lot to hold.

Then comes the analysis paralysis. Is talk therapy even the right fit? Should it be play-based, art-based, family therapy, or maybe an occupational therapist? Each discipline offers a valid piece of the puzzle, and the fear of choosing the "wrong" one can lead to not choosing at all. It's easy to get stuck there. So, when you do finally sit across from me at that first appointment, I promise you, it is not lost on me. I see the internal effort that has been going on under the surface—the courage that led you to seek help—and the unsaid fears that might still be lurking.

Creating Clarity: Our Framework for Starting

Because I value clarity and fairness, I like to have specific conversations with parents at the beginning therapeutic work or an assessment. We move thoughtfully, ensuring all your questions are respected.

• What to Expect: We clarify who will be in the room, what the physical space looks like, what toys or materials are available, and whether breaks can happen to creating a predictable environment.

• Timeline and Investment: We discuss the full scope: If it’s an assessment, how long are the sessions, and when can you expect the written reports and feedback? For therapy, we map out the plan (weekly, fortnightly, monthly), discuss a recommended number of sessions so you are clear on the investment, and outline the clues we’ll use to know when to adjust frequency and how we will know the therapy is helping.

• Communication & Boundaries: We set clear expectations for communication between sessions and how to get in touch. We also clearly discuss consent and the boundaries around confidentiality.

• The Unasked Questions: Importantly, I’ll ask you: What are the things I might not have asked about that are important to know about your child? I want to know the whole child, not just the problem.

This isn't just about scheduling; it's about respecting your family’s agency from the very start of the process.