The Shadow of Grades: When Academic Struggles Dim Your Child's Self-Esteem

This post was authored by Kate Hardiman, Educational and Developmental Psychologist, BA (Psych)(Hons), MPsych (Ed & Dev). The content was written using AI-assistance for editing, readability, and automation of external links. 

As parents, our hearts ache when we see our children struggling, especially when those struggles chip away at their confidence. This blog post marks the beginning of a series focused on a deeply concerning issue for many families: a child's low self-esteem stemming from their academic performance. In my work with parents, one thing has become clear: it's incredibly rare to meet a family navigating the complexities of a child's learning difference – be it a formal diagnosis or an intuitive sense that their child learns differently – who hasn't also expressed worries about their child's sense of self-worth. Does this resonate with you? 

I wanted to set the scene on defining our terms. In research settings, this is referred to as your operational definition. We’ll start with the easier term academic performance. Really what I’m talking about here is a student’s grades. Now a person with perfectionistic tendencies and higher than average cognitive abilities might still have low self-esteem about their performance if they are expecting nothing less than 99%. Or the student with a narrow window of tolerance to regulate their emotions, or attention, or their responses who hates making a mistake, resulting in a scrunched up paper and refusal to try again. Or the students whose pace and speed of learning is slower than some of their peers, who always feels like they’re playing catch up, who doesn’t finish the set work, who tries their hardest to understand the concept only for the next day to feel like they are starting at the beginning again.

Now to define the trickier concept - self-esteem. For this, I want to share a helpful idea from Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a child development expert. He suggests that every child has a natural drive to grow and become who they are meant to be. Part of this journey is developing a strong sense of "self" – feeling like their own person, separate from us as parents, with their own ideas, curiosity, and a deep-down feeling of self-worth. Think of self-esteem, in this sense, as a child believing they can do their best, knowing that a bad grade doesn't change who they are as a person, and recognising their own unique strengths and qualities.

As this series unfolds I will be writing about:

• Unlocking their inner strength: The one resource you already possess to combat low academic self-esteem

• Beyond talent: Teaching your child the mindset that leads to lasting academic confidence

• More than just extra time: The meaningful impact of accommodations on your child's self-esteem

This is just the beginning of our conversation. If you're in the Geelong region and concerned about your child's well-being, understanding the basics of children's psychology can be a helpful first step. I'll be delving deeper into practical strategies in upcoming posts.  For more frequent updates and personal insights focused on helping children succeed in school, I invite you to follow Glow State Psychology on Instagram @glowstatepsychology.